One of my first experiences with leadership was when I led my second grade riot against our teacher because of her overly strict quiet time policies.
I mean, I’ve always been opinionated, and I didn’t think that it was fair that we had to raise our hand and WAIT every time we had something to say.
You know, sometimes you just need to make a quick side comment to add some humor to the class.
Let’s say that my 9 year-old insurgence wasn’t very well received. My mom later had to explain that some rules are just good guidelines for civil coexistence.
I feel like I could never fully comply with the staying-quiet-in-class policies, but I’ve definitely come a long way.
However, today I can proudly say that my leadership skills, among many others, have been shaped and polished by so many amazing women throughout my life.
So of course, I had a lot of great sources of wisdom to interview on the podcast for this topic.
Something you need to know about my podcast prep, is that I take my guest research work V.E.R.Y. seriously.
I want them to be people that I deeply admire and that have SUBSTANCE (meaning, they’re not pure blah blah).
Let’s say I like my guests how I like my coffee: Fairly Bold 
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So when I started making my list of great female leaders that I’ve met that have been a great influence in my life, Dr. Kathleen O’Leary was on the top of my list.
She was one of the best Professors I had while doing my MBA.
She’s also the Chair of the Marketing Department at NSU. Needless to say, she’s a total boss if you ask me.
Disclaimer: I wasn’t good at staying quiet during her class either 
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I remember one particular encounter I had with her.
I had this horrible Professor for another class who was just super low quality and unprofessional, so me being a lawyer wannabe, wanted to report him (I believe that we should be the best quality control for anything. Amiright?).
So of course I went to Dr. O’Leary with all my bullet points written in a well-prepared document.
I had two scenarios in mind:
- She would tell me that I was overreacting (which would create tension between us).
- She would tell me that she was sorry for how I felt, and just brush the whole thing off.
What happened wasn’t in any of my options.
She gave me her full attention and just listened.
She didn’t make a judgement or told me that I was wrong or right. She met my concern with empathy and impartiality at the same time.
She stood up for her faculty and showed respect for that Professor, while also showing compassion for what I was saying.
At the end, she promised to look into the situation to make the necessary adjustments.
I don’t know the exact actions she took, but I can tell you that my class situation improved, and the same problems didn’t repeat the following semesters.
After seeing how she handled that situation, plus experiencing her amazing classes, she entered my rockstar list.
You can listen to the full podcast interview here, but here are some of the incredible leadership tips for women she shared, and my opinion on some of her wonderful points:
- Leadership doesn’t need to be attached to a gender
- Collaboration is key in leadership
- Cultivate empathy and good listening skills
- Know your ish
- It’s okay to zig-zag a little
- Some simple tips and tricks
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1. Leadership doesn’t need to be attached to a gender
Yes, Fairly Bold is a female driven platform, and there are some special tools for women in leadership as you’ll read ahead, but we always come from the start point of how leadership doesn’t have a gender attached to it.
Warren Bennis was a pioneer in leadership research, and he described leadership as “the capacity to translate vision into reality”.
That implies that to be a leader you don’t have to be a certain gender. You just have to have vision and strategic thinking. And anyone – either a man or a woman – can have those qualities.
Even statistically we see that it’s a reality in today’s society. A 2018 Pew Research showed that most Americans think that both women and men can have equally good approaches to leadership.
What can be different is the leadership style each one has, which is why Dr. O’Leary encourages female leaders to not let go of themselves in order to try to fit a standard.
That same Pew Research even shows that there are some aspects of leadership where women seem to have the edge.
For example, we seem to be better at creating a safe and respectful workplace, valuing people from different backgrounds, mentoring young employees, and much more.
So yes, leadership has changed, and the situation for women today is not the same as for women in the 1960s when we had so many limitations to access managerial roles.
Little side note: if you haven’t watched Mad Men, go do it right after reading this post!
It was considered one of the most historically accurate shows on TV, and the way they portrayed the treatment of women back in that decade is just mind blowing!
I loved those women! Peggy, Joan, and Betty, were beautiful characters. Seriously, you need to watch that show!
Ok, moving on 🤓
2. Collaboration is key in leadership
I loooved how Dr. O’Leary put it: “the best leaders pull people up with them, they don’t put them down” 🔥🔥🔥
Pulling people up is just a good strategy. It makes sense. When someone on your team shines, you shine too.
I know that shows like The Bachelor (no hate on my The Bachelor lovers 🖤) have made it seem like we need to be strategic and backstabbing in order to get what we want.
And even though I agree that watching Corinne go crazy was pre-tty entertaining, we shouldn’t take life advice from these types of behaviors.
Being a team player is truly the best policy. It doesn’t only produce better results, but it creates a smoother and more enjoyable process.
3. Cultivate empathy and good listening skills
“Listening and putting yourself in someone else’s shoes are great skills to develop”.
So 👏 much 👏 yes 👏!
This is another one of the things that doesn’t depend on gender. Both women and men should cultivate empathy and listening skills when taking leadership roles.
Luckily for us, we have the upper hand in this area 😉. A 2019 UCLA study found that “when watching others in pain, women’s brains show more empathy”.
They used brain imaging and discovered that women had “higher activation in a sensory area of the brain associated with pain than their male counterparts”.
Empathy is putting yourself in the other person’s shoes, so when your brain gives you an easier access to that connection, you can understand the other person’s perspective more easily.
Being better listeners is a skill that can help us strengthen our ability to empathize with those around us.
I feel like social media is plagued with the advice of “DON’T LISTEN TO ANYONE BUT YOURSELF”.
And while I personally could use more confidence and less asking around for validation, Dr. O’Leary helped me remember that in leadership, I should always let external factors come into play. Not as the whole deciding factor, but definitely as a point to consider.
Sure, there’s a difference between letting external factors come into play, and being driven by everyone else’s opinion, but we simply can’t grow as leaders if we don’t learn to listen to those around us.
Pro tip: don’t surround yourself by “yes men” only.
You’ve probably seen those people: they act like the evil side-kick from a Disney movie, always reminding the villain of how perfect their plan is. Ugh. So cringy.
4. KNOW YOUR ISH
I need to get something off my chest: Instagram is not an encyclopedia. Twitter is not a research paper.
Social media is a beautiful thing that has given us so much access to so much information everywhere. However, it has made us a little bit lazy.
Yes, you can learn so much online, and I’ll be the first one to recommend Skillshare to sharpen virtually any skill.
But when we want to be effective leaders, we need to lead from knowledge.
I love how Dr. O’Leary said it: “make sure you know what you’re talking about and then it’s going to be hard for someone to criticize you or put you down because you have the facts”.
Education and knowledge are extremely valuable.
“What an education does, is that it teaches you how to think, and that’s what makes a good leader.
When you are in a situation where you have to think on your feet, people who are used to Googling everything will fall flat on their face”.
And when I say education, I don’t mean going to an Ivy League school.
I’m talking about being a forever student: reading, staying updated in your feel, and just overall keeping a student attitude towards life.
5. It’s okay to zig-zag a little
I 1000% agree with this.
I’ve worked sooo many jobs. I started working at 16 as a Summer Camp Counselor.
I’ve also been in theater and video production, bartending, babysitting, teaching, social media management, club promoting, PR, marketing… it’s been a pretty interesting cocktail.
I can tell you that with every single job I’ve had, I’ve added a new skill to my repertoire.
There can be many talented people doing the same thing I do, but there’s no one who has the exact same set of experiences that I have collected.
And I’m sure that it’s the same case with you. Your unique journey brings to the table a combination of skills that will be valuable for the right job or career path.
I know I’ve said that we shouldn’t be Dora the Explorers when it comes to dating. But when something makes you curious in your professional life, and you feel called to lean into that, don’t think that it won’t make sense in your big picture story.
Some of the people I admire the most, including Dr. O’Leary of course, have had fascinating pasts that now give them a well grounded perspective in life.
6. Some simple tips and tricks
Of course I had to ask Dr. O’Leary about some tips and tricks to help women be heard in a room without having to scream for attention. As always, her advice was just on point:
⤳ Sit at the head of the table
Yes, this is literal advice. In her experience, she’s seen that many times women tend to stand towards the back of the room.
So she likes to take a sit at the head of the table. And there’s even psychology behind this. You can look it up. Interesting stuff.
⤳ Raise your sit if you can so you’re at the same eye level:
Perception is important, and women tend to be smaller than men.
So Dr. O’Leary likes to use this little trick to remove the physical disparity with the others at the table.
⤳ You can get attention in other ways than being louder:
Dr. O’Leary thinks that we have it easier in today’s age, and I couldn’t agree more. Sure, things are not “ideal” yet, but there has been so much improvement.
I would add that knowing our facts makes it easier for women to be heard.
Granted, we still need to work a little bit harder than men at being recognized by others as “knowledgeable”, but when we’re well informed, our voice can be heard without having to scream.
I really enjoyed my conversation with Dr. O’Leary, and if you decide to listen to the full interview, I know that you’ll love it too!
Leadership is for sure a journey. I don’t think there’s a Leadership Committee waiting for you at the end of the Leadership Line.
I can tell you that I’m personally still struggling with biting my tongue more times than I would like.
But this doesn’t mean that we can’t take pieces of wisdom from people with far more experience than us, and then apply them to our leadership style.
I want to hear from you! Did you listen to the podcast episode? How cool is Dr. O’Leary?
I feel like an important part of being leaders is learning to make assertive choices, so make sure to check out my free mini course on How to Make Confident Choices!
With love, E ♡
