First things first.
You’ve survived 2020 – so far – so give yourself a solid round of applause. Have a little dance celebration!
The holiday season is here, and this year may look a little different for many of us.
Depending on where you live, there may be some lockdown restrictions in place.
This means that you may have two scenarios:
- Family stress: dealing with difficult family members during family gatherings (whether in person or through Zoom).
- Loneliness: dealing with loneliness during this holiday season.
Maybe you’re not going to as many parties as you’d normally do, or maybe you lost someone close this year because of Covid, so you’re still trying to figure out how to cope with the loss.
I feel for anyone in the second situation.
As an immigrant, I’ve been there more times than I would’ve liked.
My first Christmas in the US was very strange.
Yes, I technically was with family, but I wasn’t with the close family circle that I’d been with for the past 23 years of my life.
So I felt lonely, surrounded by people, but missing the closest ones.
I may do a post about managing loneliness in the future, but today I want to discuss the first scenario: dealing with the overwhelm during family gatherings.
You know the type of gatherings:
- Questions about your relationship status.
- Questions about your career.
- Comments about your weight (yeah aunt Sally, my pants already told me that I’ve gained weight, but thank you for the reminder
).
).I know, it can get awkward QUICK.
P.S. this post may contain affiliate links. This means that if you click through and purchase something, I may receive a portion of the price. It’s at no extra cost to you, but the profits go directly back into improving this blog!
Why you need these emotional tools to handle family stress in your feminine toolkit
I’m truly passionate about equipping feminine leadership.
I have blog posts and podcast episodes on negotiation, leadership, intuition, and much more.
But I believe that as leaders, we can never forget about our relationships.
There are different types of relationships.
We have professional and networking relationships.
And we also have personal relationships.
Our family, partners, friends… Those relationships are going to have an impact on the way we show up in other areas.
You don’t want to be that person who fills an emotional void with work.
You want your career and your business to be a compliment to your life.
And you’re going to be a more effective leader when you’re balanced in those more private areas.
So, here are 6 tips that will really help you navigate this holiday season when it comes to family stress-inducing gatherings.
Hey, even if you’re having Zoom calls, you still need to engage.
And I want you to feel confident!
Maybe you won’t be able to control the situation and other people’s actions, but you’re going to have the confidence to take control of your emotional wellbeing during these interactions.
1. Understand where you are
First, we need to have compassion for where you are right now.
As I said, you’ve survived 2020. Good for you!
You’ve done the best you could have. And in case you haven’t, you can always take control of the situation and do something about it.
But truly, in life, there are seasons for sowing and seasons for reaping.
Maybe you’re in a season where you’re still figuring some things out. Embrace it!
Maybe your cousin Amanda just got engaged and got an amazing promotion at work, while you’re still trying to decide if you should delete your Bumble profile.
Listen to me: that is okay.
This is a busy and amazing season for your cousin, and you’re in a different season.
You both can coexist within your differences and be genuinely happy for the other.
So if you want to arrive at that dinner celebration without the pressure of the expectations, you’re the first one who needs to be okay with where you are this season.
2. Don’t stress over small-picture opinions
Let me give you an example here.
My husband is watching Gotham, and he’s super into it.
I usually watch it on and off, every few episodes.
And of course, I keep making annoying questions sometimes because I’m watching the show sporadically.
So this lack of continuity makes me miss some of the main plot twists.
Then, I end up asking questions like: “omg why did he let the Pinguin leave the hospital? He’s crazy!”.
*sorry, spoiler alert!*
So, the same can happen to your family members.
They’ve missed a couple of plot lines of your year, so be gracious with them.
Sometimes, that family stress can come simply because they lack some information.
Which leads me to my next point…
3. You don’t owe anyone an explanation
I know this may sound rude, and I’m not telling you to be aggressive.
“I’m sorry, Aunt Sally, that’s not your effing business” …….. Of course not! 💀
What I’m talking about is that if there’s something you don’t feel comfortable talking about, it is okay to set that boundary, and kindly express that you’re not comfortable talking about it at the moment.
If you choose to explain yourself, it’s also okay, but as Britney would say: that’s YOUR prerogative.
4. Avoid alcohol
I’m not trying to be a party pooper here, but I know that you know that sometimes alcohol can make you not be on your best behavior.
Of course, this is going to depend on the kind of situation you’re in, and the family dynamic you have.
But if you’re anticipating difficult interactions, it’s best to avoid alcohol altogether.
Over drinking may make us do or say something that we’ll regret later. Trust me, I’ve been there.
Side tip: this guide to Mocktails from Sugar and Charm looks super delicious!
5. Don’t take things personal
Yes, I totally stole this one from the book “The Four Agreements” by Don Miguel Ruiz, but it’s honestly a great reminder.
I feel like this is the biggest tip. Not just for the Holidays, but for life!
Look, we’ve all been through a lot this year. Our mental or physical health may have been affected in different ways.
Did you ever hear the saying “what Sally says about Mary says more about Sally than about Mary”?
Nothing against Sallys, but this is so true when it comes to other people’s comments and judgements.
Of course, there may be someone in your family who’s truly concerned about you.
But many times, people’s comments and judgments are motivated by some internal issue that doesn’t have anything to do with you.
With this, I’m not encouraging you to psychoanalyze anyone who asks about your relationship status, but understand that someone else’s perception of your life is just that: their perception.
Simply put, opinions are like armpits, everybody has one and most of them stink.
It has less to do with you, and everything to do with them.
6. Pay attention to the motivation behind your words
Sometimes we feel hurt or attacked, which awakens in us this crazy desire to “fight back”.
I’m the voice of experience telling you: it’s time to stop it.
When we’re down, bringing others down with us won’t make us feel ANY better.
Hopefully, at this point, you already took my previous advice on going easy on the alcohol, so having control over your response shouldn’t be that hard.
Emphasis on the word that.
As a person with verbal diarrhea, I know that I have to really work on biting my tongue when I feel like I just want to have the last word.
Ultimately, we can choose the perspective of feeling fortunate to be able to gather at all with our family, if that’s the position we are in.
Of course, you know I’ll always advocate for setting boundaries, but that doesn’t mean that we should be defensive.
There’s so much beauty to the Holiday season! Don’t let a couple of nights ruin it for you.
And if it gets too hard, you know you can always vent to me by email.
That’s truly the fastest way for me to respond!
Make sure to check out today’s book recommendation for a life-changing new perspective on managing yourself and improving your relationships.
I 100% recommend it.
See you soon my love!
With love, E! ♡
+ How to set boundaries
++ The difference between intuition and fear