I’ve always been a sucker for all those “life lessons” lists that everyone would forward everyone via mass Hotmail message.
If you’re too young to understand, there used to be a trend where people would forward mass emails to everyone on their email list, full of lists and advice with valuable lessons for life.
Sometimes you would also receive your fix of conspiracy theories. It was beautiful!
Sweet old times 🙆.
How could I forget back in 2008, I once got an email saying that the seats at movie theaters were infected with tiny needles containing a virus to infect everyone who would sit on them.
Yep. Crazy days.
However, I LIVED for the life lesson emails.
Like, they were my jam.
So, on my birthday month, I’m bringing you my list of 10 life lessons that I learned during this past year.
This is what I would tell you if we were having a glass of wine together.
My answer for the “what would you tell your past self question” type of list.
Time for a little disclaimer:
I am Latina, I am very passionate.
Nothing on this list comes from a place of judgement, of self righteousness, or me thinking that I’m better than you.
These are 10 lessons that I, of course feel strongly about, but I’m not trying to tell you that I am the way, the truth and the life.
P.S. this post may contain affiliate links. This means that if you click through and purchase something, I may receive a portion of the price. It’s at no extra cost to you, but the profits go directly back into improving this blog!
1) I don’t need to love myself more before loving others
I should start by saying that I learned a new, and deeper, meaning of love.
Love goes beyond this Hollywood-like feeling, warm and fuzzy.
Love is a verb. A choice.
I started to see love as concern for others, empathy for others.
Under that definition, loving ourselves is natural.
Because everything we do is focused on keeping ourselves safe, alive.
So, by shifting my perspective of love from emotional appreciation to willing concern, I started seeing and loving those around me differently.
A deeper and more purposeful type of love.
Yes, there’s a place for the self-esteem conversation. But it’s not a prerequisite for this concept of love.
But I don’t need to wait until I feel warm and fuzzy about myself before having empathy and caring for the wellbeing of others.
2) The Bible is not about me
2020 was a year when I got deeper into my faith.
And yes, I realized that I was being a little self centered!
Most of the people I was following were telling me that God was basically a genie with the main purpose of making all my dreams come true.
I just had to have faith, be positive, and lean into my power.
Turns out that it’s not like Jesus was super lonely in heaven and He missed me so much that he decided to die for me.
Turns out that the story of David versus Goliath is not about me either! I’m not a David coming out victorious over my problems, represented as Goliath.
The Bible is about God’s redemptive love for humanity. Not about God’s ultimate purpose and desire to give me the house of my dreams.
3) I love peaceful living
When I blew the candles on my 28th birthday, I was dying to move to New York.
I had this fantasy of being a Latina Carrie Bradshaw walking down the streets of Manhattan looking fabolous and being a successful writer.
Fast forward to April, we were in lockdown, New York was a hot mess, and I realized that I truly love a slower lifestyle.
I appreciated the time when the world slowed down.
It was heartbreaking because of the reasons for the slow down, but I was grateful to discover the value of peace.
I wasn’t running around anymore trying to fully book my calendar.
That’s why Woo and I decided to move to Charlotte, North Carolina.
It still has that vibrant city vibe, with a slower pace and a family friendly atmosphere.
So far, we love it. We don’t see ourselves living anywhere else anytime soon.
4) Small weddings are a hidden gem
I get it, everyone is different. But listen to me, if you think that you need a huge wedding, with a huge audience, think again.
Because of Covid, we had to dramatically size our wedding party down.
And at the end, I enjoyed it SO MUCH.
It was intimate, special, and gave us the opportunity to truly enjoy the wedding and each other that day.
And of course, bonus points for all the money we got to save while still having a beautiful wedding.
5) I really like instrumental music with violins
Instrumental music with violins is the best source of mental massage.
You know when you feel overwhelmed and want to be inspired, but every type of music seems too much?
#ADHDLife
Insert instrumentals with violins!
And bonus points if the song is an instrumental cover from a famous song.
I discovered my love for this music through an Instagram account that used a Bad Guy’s cover as their theme song.
And oh.my.goodness!
I’m obsessed, so if you have cool instrumental playlists featuring violins, please send them my way!
6) I’m not such a terrible cook
It’s not like I’m Martha Stewart now, but I’ve prepared some really incredible dishes.
Of course, the Academy Award goes to my Cosori Air Fryer, because it comes with a recipe book that makes everything taste delicious.
Also, click here for the BEST pancakes in the world!
I think that unless you truly enjoy cooking, you don’t need to master every single dish in the recipe book.
Master a couple of staples that you’re really good at, and then your regular recipes won’t look as mediocre.
Trust me, I’m so good at making cheese sandwiches… it’s ridiculous 😅
7) As women, we don’t need to be “empowered”, we just need to reclaim the concept of power
Fourth wave feminism, and in general I would say that the latest TV shows and movies, have implanted in our minds this idea that we’re terribly oppressed by toxic forces, aka men.
For this reason, we need to behave more like them, and stop being so “soft” if we want to be successful.
Because femininity is a mind control trick created to hold us down, right? Ehhm, no.
If my 29th year taught me anything, it was to finally realize how many destructive lies we’ve been fed.
My advice to you is: make sure you’re not confusing power with a desire for external validation.
Make sure that you don’t want to sit on the throne just to prove that you can.
Make sure that your desires are connected to a purpose, and don’t let aggressive “feminist” messages from Hollywood and most popular platforms make you think that only after you show your body, or after you’ve destroyed every “toxic” man around you, you will be “empowered”.
You already have power, it comes with your very nature.
You just have to learn to love what you already have, and fall in love with the natural limitations of that power.
Trust me, not being all powerful and omnipotent is a blessing
8) Your clients and bosses will value you as much, or as little, as you accept
Here I need to make a little disclaimer.
I’m not talking about the intrinsic value that you have by being a person created by God.
Your life matters, and there is purpose in every single day you are alife.
And no company, or client, or audience can change that.
However, what I’m talking about on this point is “value” when it comes to the professional world.
I didn’t start getting the clients of my dreams until I stopped accepting people that were clearly underestimating the value my work brought to them.
I believe in free market, which means that you are free to set a price for your job and services, the other person is free to accept or offer something different, and you are free to accept or reject the offer.
I made a pretty good episode on how to negotiate your salary, so make sure to give it a listen.
Get clear on the value that you’re bringing to the table before entering a negotiation.
And if the other party doesn’t agree with your value, or even gives you a disrespectful offer, feel free to walk away.
And btw, little side note, this principle also applies to dating!
9) Make it a priority to understand your personal style
This is one of the best discoveries I made in 2020!
I invested in The Velvet Secret’s personal styling class, and it was SO worth it.
It gave me a blueprint to build my closet – and ultimately even my whole brand.
My style is natural and sophisticated, with touches of alluring.
See the picture above for reference!
Now, it’s easier for me to find the right looks that feel authentic, intentional, and that still allows room for improvisation.
And btw, if you understand Spanish, you have to check Daniela out!
10) Your mental health is a priority
Ha! I love a good contradiction.
Yes, I know that earlier I said that you don’t need to love yourself before loving others.
And yes, for true sacrificial love – Agape love – you don’t need to “love yourself” first.
However, caring for your mental health is not a selfish act.
If you had a disease, something causing you pain, you probably wouldn’t ignore it.
(unless you’re stubborn like my husband 😒).
Last year was a big one for my mental health.
Understanding and managing depression, anxiety and ADHD was HUGE for me this past year.
I was able to show up better in every other area of my life.
From the bottom of my heart, if you’re feeling an imbalance, go to a professional.
Of course, do your research.
Make sure that you’re going to a licensed therapist with a background that makes you feel confident in their expertise.
Also, make sure it’s someone you connect with and that makes you feel safe.
I recommend Maria Arana. She’s a clinical psychologist, I had her on the podcast and she’s a total rockstar!
Not gonna lie, I had fun with my little Oprah-Meets-Dr.-Phil here today!
I know it’s a lot, so make sure to listen on the podcast so you can revisit these ideas on the go!
And if you haven’t, please subscribe to Fairly Bold on Spotify, iTunes, or wherever you get your podcasts from.
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See you back very soon!
With love, E. ♡
